My mother

When the Hatlady was little she was a handful. Her nickname was the Vitamin Kid.

When she was around three years old she bit my grandmother in the butt. When my grandmother asked about it my mom replied “Neil did it.” Neil was an infant at the time.

When she was a little older she made an attempt to cut off Neil’s tongue. The idea was planted in her head by something she heard at church, she was sure she was helping him. Neil had to go to the doctor.

When she was in elementary school two boys unscrewed the salt shaker lid and she poured salt all over her mashed potatoes. The lunch lady told her to scrape off the salt. At recess she punched on of those boys in the gut. They never bothered her again.

I sometimes think she got it all out of her system when she was younger, she doesn’t bit or cut or punch people anymore. She dresses everyday as if she were going to meet the queen of Sweden, she is rapidly running out of shelf space for all her books, and she is turning into a grandmother. But every now and then I see her stand up to defend what’s right in her life; her methods may have changed, but deep down she’s still the Vitamin Kid.



(But SB, I don't think she would go bowling with you, unless you manage to convince her it was a viking game recently discovered or something like that.)