Baby, please just sleep

Today is rough. It has been nap time here for the past hour and a half, or I guess I should say we've been attempting nap time for the past hour and a half. I just don't know what to do with Goosey. She wants my attention and cuddling for napping, but won't fall asleep. And I get upset. I get upset because I know she's tired and I can't help her. She won't let me. Or maybe I won't let me. Nap time is the one time during the day that I feel like I can't do anything right. So, Goosey is currently in her crib screaming at me to come and get her.

Nap time and bedtime have been the two things that have been the hardest in my house. Mr. Not Hideous and I made the mistake of letting Goosey fall asleep breastfeeding. And it has been a hard habit to break. Not for me, but for Goosey. Mr. Not Hideous and I started breaking this habit for the last two weeks. Which means that the crib is the currently the most hated spot for Goosey. We've created a bedtime routine and set up a nap schedule. Both have helped immensely. Until things like family from out of town, evening community center meetings, or Pie Day get in the way. Then its goodbye schedule, hello cranky, unwilling-to-nap-by-herself baby.

I let myself slide with nap time when other things happen because I want to have a semblance of my old life and way of doing things, so I only have myself to blame when we have bad days. I need to take responsibility for all this, I am the one home with Goosey trying implement nap times. I am half of the people who need to be an advocate for a little nine month old girl who can't advocate for herself. I need to grow up and let people know that nap time is off limits, and that I will NOT budge about that fact. I also need to let myself know that I do not have permission to let nap time slide. It's not fair to Goosey, Mr. Not Hideous, or me. I get cranky and crabby to be around, and it makes life miserable.

I have done some Landmark Education and I have identified my act and who I want to be instead of my act. My act, or the story that I have made up about myself and how life 'is' for me, is that I'm Alone. It was, and sometimes still is, how I lived my life. What I replace my act with is the possibility of unconditional love. That has not be present in nap time, especially not towards myself.

And, nap time, it just got a whole new look to it, and Goosey is finally sleeping. I think we just needed to clear some junk together. No, I just needed to clear some junk out of the way of truly loving myself and her.

In Landmark Education the training asks 'Who Are You?' to give the opportunity to declare who you are for the world.

Who Am I?

I am the possibility of Unconditional Love and Creativity! That is who I am!