Who stole our mirrors? Was it Frank?

Ever since I was about five years old I have been learning Swedish. The summer after 4th grade I was able to go to Sjolunden, the Swedish language village of the Concordia Language Villages.

My first year as a four-week villager, or credit, I was 14. That was the summer when I first learned about body image. Now 14 seems a little old to just learn about body image, did I live under a rock or in a cave before this summer? Well, no, not exactly. I grew up in a blissfully unaware state, we didn't watch tv or listen to the radio much, instead we played outside with the cats; sometimes naked, sometimes not, depending on our age or if there was a puddle out in the yard.

But at Sjolunden I was living in a cabin with 12 other 14-16 year old girls. Girls who wore make-up, put a lot of thought into what they wore every day, and spent hours sometimes in front of the mirrors in the bathroom. I have to admit that even the hours in front of the mirrors were something I was unaware of. I don't think I ever really noticed what they were doing, or how long they were in front of the mirrors, or what time they got up in the mornings to fit all those 'neccessary' things into their morning ritual.

This isn't to say that I am calling those camp friends vain, or that I was above all that. I was just unaware, totally 100% unaware.

Unaware until the day I found out that the credit boys had rated the two cabins of credit girls. Yes, rated, based on what exactly I don't remember now, but I'm sure it was hotness or looks. I was kind of excited when I found out that they had rated us, just because I was unaware of the idea of body image didn't mean I didn't care how people saw me. I remember coming in in one of the last five places. I was, to say the least, disappointed, but I didn't give my position more than a passing thought. That was until the counselors talked to us about it and made the credit boys write an apology letter to all the credit girls.

Unaware until one day our mirrors turned up missing. It was hard to be unaware after that, the other girls were so incredibly upset about it. I think I just thought of it as camp drama, a mystery to solve, something else to make camp more exciting. Everyone seemed to have a theory, it was the credit boys cabin, the maintenance crew took them, one of the other villages came and stole them. At the time I didn't realize the gravity of the situation, or why Frank, the head maintenance man, would want our mirrors.

It didn't take long for some of the girls to pull out compact mirrors, or the kind you buy for school lockers and put them up in the bathroom. It was so important to some of them.

I was unaware until after I got home and one of the counselors, Stina, sent a letter to us all. She said that she had to come clean, she took the mirrors out of our cabin. She said that she couldn't stand watching us stand in front of the mirrors for hours while putting on make-up, doing our hair, or just pinching at our stomachs. She wanted us to realize that we are beautiful, all of us, that we didn't need the mirrors to tell us that.

I was floored. I knew about the make-up and hair, but I had never seen a single girl in front of the mirror pinching, complaining, wishing she were smaller. And that was when it hit me, body image is a big deal to some people, that it can be debillitating.

I think it was the next school year in Science class that we weighed ourselves during class. I was somewhere in the 90s. One of my friends made a big deal about me not being over 100 pounds. I think that was the first time that I had weighed myself that wasn't a school physical. I remember thinking that we were about the same height and looked to weigh the same, she couldn't weigh too much more. I now know that it doesn't have to be much more for people to be upset about it.

Sjolunden and Science shaped my idea of body image. Since that year I have been more aware of body image. It hasn't changed how I eat or look at myself, but made me aware that other people look at me differently. I rarely voice my opinion when people talk about weight, I don't want anyone to be offended by the 'skinny b*tch.'

I would love to gain weight, I need about ten more pounds to be healthy. I am not really unhealthy, but I turn into a cranky, crabby, hard-to-live-with monster if I don't have enough to eat RIGHT NOW. My sisters have this same problem too, we can't function on low blood sugar, we snap at everyone no matter what, and can't even think to find a snack for ourselves if we let it go too far. Seriously, being skinny is not glorious. I wish that the rest of the American world would see that.

This post was prompted by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.